Sometimes I just feel angry! Self pittying, self loathing unproductive and gernally terrible. In this state of mind I am mentally weakend, unresourceful and a poor representation of all that I truely am. I feel as though I stand alone walking a tight rope with no one to catch me if I fall. Only the knowledge that I must make it to the other side to keep me.  When I’m angry its an effort to be nice, its a mission to see the positve, a chore to communicate, and I make poor decisions.

Today I accept the simple an plain truth sometimes I get angry! I acknowledge this for what it is a state of being which the majority of the time for me is an unresourcful one. I accept that I have to work towards my greater goals at  moments of darkness. I realise that with time all things pass and change.. I realise that the sooner I accept  my anger the sooner I can move on and feel something different. My anger tells me theirs something I need to resolve.. it highlights internal conflict within, it can not be ignored or hidden away it needs to be accepted understood and possibly acted on.  

Sometimes I get angry!

A little older each day, not necessarily but hopefully a little wiser too trying to plot a safe course through the maze of life. I guess the lesson I have learnt over the past few weeks is pay attention to the detail, don’t allow yourself to walk around with blinkers on for they shall surely come off! Procrastination solves nothing..

I am reminded of an analogy I read a few years ago. “If you don’t take the trash out, it will only fester and smell so deal with it!” Yes we can all be guilty of turning a blind eye and not dealing with things in a timely manor.

Communication the corner stone of how we interact with each other requires a commitment to not only express your thoughts and feelings in an appropriate way at all times, but also and probably most importantly to listen. Listening is not just hearing words but actually processing information given an dedicating your time and effort to understanding.

So I go forth humbly haven taken on board what I thought I already knew! A little older but not necessarily but hopefully wiser..

If there is one thing I was born knowing how to do it’s have fun, experience has taught me that not taking opportunity, or passing by on being bold an ambitious leads to regrets. Who wants them? However through my burning desire to live life to its fullest and have fun I have learnt this can bring unbalance, which can only be tempered with responsibility.

I have grown to recognise that true love and friendship requires unselfish commitment, time, effort and effective communication.

As the close of Jan my first month in 2009 draws to a close, I reflect on my past with the intent on making my future a better one. A renewed Jay with an understanding of his true self worth! Cool tempered, bold, ambitious, committed, loving, honest and above all I forgive me for anything I need forgiving for.

Ready to face new challenges happy to accept that those who join my journey through life’s stepping stones on my rollercoaster can just as easily step off again, however I will not be derailed. Independent, focused and centred. I commit to holding myself up to a higher standard than I have in the past. I accept that not everyone will like me as I continue to grow and develop. I surrender any friendships which no longer support mutual growth and understanding.

There’s nothing greener on the other side! I commit to sowing the seeds of my green garden right where I am.